lots of free time...

well...

I turned down the 3rd shift assignment my talent agency offered me. I was miserable working 2nd shift and 3rd shift would only make it worse.

So as of right now, I am jobless. At least I will have time on my hands to finish some projects I had stored up. I just feel so unmotivated to do any of them.

Music is the thread that binds us together...

I stayed up late listening to some cool tones, I needed to calm myself. Thought I'd share...

Currently in my iTunes/iPod playlist:

• Queen Latifah... Hard Times, California Dreamin, Hello Stranger, I Put a Spell On You (from the Dana Owens Album)
• Renee Olstead... Breaking up is Hard to do, Sunday Kind of Love, Someone to Watch Over Me
• Judy Garland... Me and My Shadow
• Christina Aguilera... Fighter
• Chantay savage... I Will Survive
• Madeline Peyroux... Walkin After Midnight

Oh my, there isn't any Dolly in that list... I have the perfect song to fit how I am feeling. So lets add one right now...

• Dolly Parton... Hello God from her Halos and Horns Album.

I am sick and tired of being treated this way....

I have had it...

This stress that has been making my eye twitch for 6 days has finally made me burst. I have some things I need to get out. And of course, what better place than here.

First of all, I wish people would cut me some slack about my past. I am really getting tired of people bringing up or making jokes about the fact that I "used to be gay". For the record, I never slept with anyone, other than my wife. I was teased since 1st grade until high school about being gay. It got so bad, that I started to actually believe it.

Yes, I dressed in drag like 3 times, two were for a costume party and one was a dare to go with my roomate and her sister to the Mall of America and they were in freakish outfits and wigs, while I was in plain jeans and a nice shirt. Whoop de do, that really doesn't qualify me as a drag queen. Sorry.

I am also fed up with a lot of shit that Amy and I seemed to just accept from people, cause heaven forbid we should "create waves". Well I am tired of it. I am tired of people judging us and taking us for granted and not even GIVING US A FUCKING THANK YOU!

I am tired of people thinking were fat, because we eat to much or we eat too many sweet. When in truth they don't know that we eat very healthy and struggle everyday with our weight and that it is a very hard thing to deal with and that we don't keep sweets in the house.

Those people don't live with me, so it pisses me off that they go and tell their family that we're fat cause we eat to much. It's heart breaking to have someone you love, come up to you and tell you to your face that your fat.

I am tired of people walking all over Amy demanding that she do things for them (even go as far as making her re-arrange her whole schedule to accommodate them) just because she is a stay at home mom.

They seem to think she doesn't do anything all day. She is the most busiest person I know. Without her, this family wouldn't be able to function.

She cleans, get the groceries, pays the bills, helps me balance the books--budgets to finances (not only us but my sister too), takes the kids to all their activities, does tap classes, goes to a church group, volunteers for girls scouts...

She doesn't have time to help you with every little problem you have and she will not be your go-between, just because you don't want to talk to someone. Grow up and deal with your own shit.

I am tired of people thinking were made of money, just because we know how to budget and get a few nice things here and there.

I am tired of teenagers and children alike; not getting the love, attention and supervision they deserve and fear for how that is going to effect their lives as they grow older. It just seems that no one is thinking about their future and what the present can do to alter that.

I can't believe I just typed all that. I should delete it and not even post it, but part of me is tired of keeping my mouth shut and not expressing myself to someone. How can change come about it someone doesn't stand up and say something.

as my world turns

i sit here not knowing where to begin...

i am writing in all lowercase because i feel so small in this world that likes to deal me shitty cards. i love my job and i love the company i work with. but i wish i had more control over my destiny.

i found out that the assignment i am on is terminating one of the full time positions. there are only two of us at night and my coworker has been there longer so she got to decided if she wanted the position or not. she did, so i am pretty much out. they are creating a pool of people they can call when they get major swamped. i am in it, but not for long. my agency is finding me a new gig.

i am amazed at how fast they may have something lined up for me. its third shift, lower pay, but at least amy will have the van all day and all night and i will be home (awake) when the kids get home from school and be here for them when they really need me. i will just have to get used to sleeping all day.

but at least my benefits will stay steady and so will the hours. i just wish the pay was closer to what i am making now. but i can't have everything.

(UPDATE: I never did take this assignment, they cancelled it. But, a year later, it came by again and I did take it.)

i am currently reimporting all my music cds into my laptop so that i can reorganize before i put them on my server. i moved my music around so much that i wanted to make sure i had the best quality. and now that i have sooo much space, i can keep all the albums and not just the songs i like.

once all that is done, i move onto importing old LPs and then onto scanning old documents.

currently in my ipod/playlist:

• Queen Latifah... Dana Owens Project
• Madaleine Peyroux... dream land
• sean paul... dutty rock
• and a mix of early 90s music

i also can't believe we blew right through all our tax money. but we had things we really needed. so i guess it is okay. i just wish we had a ton of money. i love my new home, but i really want to be living in our dome home right now. all that space and stuff. it be like living in an amusement park.

i am visiting with my old coworker/best friend from alpha on saturday. i am gonna help her get her nephews xbox set up on her network. i am also buying her drawing tablet from her, so that i can draw/paint digitally. i used to love to watercolor, but it takes space and is messy, but not for long.

amy bought me wonder woman season 1 and 2. i am happy about that.

i just wish my life was going better right now. a ton of money and lots of happiness. i just feel so helpless and lost and no control over my own life. i feel like a drone, just doing what the queen bee tells me to (no not amy)

not much else right now.

New toys

I love tax time. Have I mentioned that? I love shopping... no, I take that back, not shopping. I don't call it shopping. I call it BUYING!

I got my new laptop. Really nice!

I can have up to 2 monitors connected so I can use 3 monitors worth of desktop space. Which for a designer is great. I can have 3 seperate programs going at once. (UPDATE: I was so wrong, I cannot use both of the monitor ports in the back at the same time in conjuction with my laptop screen. Dammit.)

I bought a ten-key for it (A numeric pad). Number crunching on that little line at the top of your keyboard is hard to do when your used to a 10-key. I got my tiny little webcam. No audio which sucks. But since I am bluetooth enabled I can get one of those wireless headphones! Got a bluetooth mouse and a light/fan USB thingy.

We also got me new glasses. My new ones are square. And my vision actually improved. We bought a mini freezer and pantry. More storage space. Got some new clothes.

We were looking at new washer and dryers but decided to hold off on that for a while. We want something that is a front loading set, but is water efficient and can do hand wash stuff. We also purchased a new phone system with expandable handsets. Really nice. I like em.

All in all everything is going okay for now. Still have to get the car fixed, and get a shed this summer. But all the credit cards are paid off!

Blog ya later!